Gods Unfailing Love Revealed in the Cross
In the midst of the many seemingly contradictory creeds and doctrines, in desperation, I finally cried out in my heart, Oh, God, I want to love and worship you, but I cannot for I do not know you. What is the purpose of continuing to create these countless souls knowing what the end result will be? Why bring these miserable creatures into this world, only to live out their entire existence in diseased and deformed bodies, in darkened and retarded minds, in dire poverty, never once being able to go to sleep with a full stomach and others, the privileged few living in luxury and an over abundance smart, enlightened, healthy and strong in mind and body? Oh, God, this partiality doesnt seem fair and that is why I cannot fully open my whole heart and mind to you in love and adoration.
Four of us were gathering daily under a juniper tree in the Mojave Desert near Lancaster, California over 25 years ago [it would now be about 50 years ago] to seek God in the spirit of true worship. Though I had been a minister of the gospel for several years, I still had so many unanswered problems and questions concerning Gods plan of salvation. Though my hands were lifted heavenward in praise, and my lips were saying hallelujah, my mind was fill with many disturbing questions.
These questions in my mind had first begun to prick me when my husband, a confirmed atheist, was so marvelously converted while lying on his deathbed cursing God! Suddenly, he began to cry in agony of soul, tears gushing out of his eyes like a fountain, his body rolling from side to side in the bed. When at last he could speak, he said," God spoke to me", then added, "I did not want to pray; God made me pray!" Sitting up, he placed his hand on his side, saying, "God reached down his hand, touching my side. I'm healed! I'm going to get up."
While I stood in dumb-founded amazement, he dressed, went outside and began hoeing weeds in the garden. Suddenly he again began to shout at the top of his voice, as he ran around the house in an incoherent fashion. Then rushing in to me, he threw his arms around me saying so sweetly, "Oh, Mama, Im saved! Aren't you glad Im saved?"
Later that day as God led him to pray (exposed to the neighborhood right on our porch) he was filled with the Holy Spirit, speaking in tongues and prophesying to the neighbors who, out of curiosity, had gathered in our home to see what was taking place.
While hoeing in the garden he had such a tremendous experience of seeing Jesus standing before him in light form, then entering into him overwhelming him completely within and without. Later, after things quieted down, I saw him gazing in a mirror in order to see if he could see Jesus reflected in his own face. 2 Cor. 3:18
In my own self-righteousness, I, whom had thought I was so far ahead of the unbelieving world, (holding out very little hope for them) saw my own unbelieving husband, saved, healed, filled with the spirit, and receive the revelation of the indwelling Christ by the sovereign power of God. Within a matter of minutes my suppositions that one must repent, believe, pray through, endure and prove themselves faithful before experiencing salvation, had been disproved. My mind began to be filled with doubtings and questionings. Could I be mistaken? Had I falsely presented the gospel, basing salvation on works instead of the grace of God? In one day God had reached out to my husband, whom I thought so far behind spiritually, and placed him ahead of me in spiritual knowledge and experience of our Lord and Savior. Oh Glory! I have had to move at a rapid, rapid pace since that time in order to keep abreast of the move of God.
A few days later I heard my husband praying for his deceased father. Surely he should not be praying for his father who also was an atheist. According to my teaching his destiny was sealed, therefore, I had supposed there was no hope for his soul. However, I was afraid to stop him as he was under such an intense burden of prayer. I began praying that God would lift the burden by blotting out the memory of his father. Is this not what we are taught, that in heaven God will remove the memory of our unsaved loved ones from our minds? Otherwise, how could we ever be happy in heaven thinking of our father, mother, brother, sister, or one of our own dear children suffering in the torment of hell forever?
After a while my husband came in the house, his face shining with the radiance of God. He said, "I've been praying for my father." I interrupted, "Oh, Honey, don't you know that you cannot pray for anyone after they are dead?" He replied, "I had to pray for my father; I could not bear to think that he was lost. I had to tell God how honest my father was, and how good he was to everyone, and oh, how much I loved him! And God answered me too!" In amazed unbelief I asked, "He did? What did He say?" And my husband, looking at me in calm assurance replied, God said," MY LOVE IS GREATER THAN YOUR LOVE! And if Gods love is greater than my love, I know my father is in good hands!" From that hour he never worried about the welfare of his father anymore. How this shook me! Could there possibly be hope for the unsaved after death?
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